“Not quite the butterfly yet, more of a well fed chubby caterpillar much closer to being so”.
Since starting my blog back in 2017, I haven’t posted anywhere near as much as I planned or wanted to, and somehow it got swept aside with other priorities taking its place. Although I knew why I wanted to start my blog, and what I wanted it to cover, it wasn’t so easy putting it into practice. A lack of time, combined with a lack of inspiration and self-confidence meant I sort of lost my way with it all. But recently something changed….literally like a switch. I don’t know how or why, but I’m more motivated than ever to see through what I dreamed my blog to become. With that came a desire for a fresh start, which also meant making a few changes…
Despite being so chuffed with my site when I first created it, it became a space that I no longer enjoyed visiting. What I once spent so many long, frustrating nights building, no longer inspired me to keep creating content. So many things have happened in the two years that have passed since I began my little project, that seem to have evoked a change in myself. You could call it ‘growing up’. I don’t know if it was the manic workload of third year uni, stepping up to the plate during family adversities, or even taking on the responsibility of my ever growing animal family, but I feel as though I’m on a completely different lily pad to the one I was on 2 years ago. Not quite the butterfly yet, more of a well fed chubby caterpillar much closer to being so. I envisioned my blog to look completely different… more simple and clean, so I changed it. I needed it to fit with the ‘chubby caterpillar’ stage of my life, and I’m so pleased with the result! It's most likely not the end product, but I couldn’t be more excited to keep feeding my ‘inner caterpillar’ with content in my new space.
Knowing what you want to write about is one thing, but actually writing it is a whole other story. After two years I feel like I have finally found my ‘writing style’ making it so much easier to tap away on the keys. Looking back, I definitely feel as though I was using the same writing style that would be expected of me in a uni assignment…completely lacking any ounce of personality. It’s crazy that it’s taken me two years to realise that I’m most comfortable and at ease writing posts as if I were saying them…… *hand on head emoji* But yeah, I’ve finally be able to start working through the huge list of post ideas I’ve got scribbled down here there and everywhere!
In terms of image quality, I don’t think the photos I used for my posts failed in this department. Luckily having a boyfriend who’s a photographer ensured this, however looking back over them, they just aren’t as engaging as I would like them to be. After scouring through several blogs, I felt like the answer was to add a slight personal touch to them, but that is so much easier said than done, especially when you aren’t at all comfortable in front of camera. Nevertheless it’s something I have been and will continue to work on, with the hope it gets a little easier and I feel less like a complete idiot whilst doing so. I know for a fact this is going to be the biggest challenge for both me, and my boyfriend who somehow has to capture the shots I’m visualising with a subject (me) who is incapable of relaxing in front of the camera. If anyone has any tips to help, PLEASE let me know.
One of my favourite ever quotes is there is no greater present than the time (taken from the wise words of Maggie Smith in the second greatest marigold hotel… such a good film) which is so true. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in trivial situations that really don’t matter, and yet they consume so much of our time. Lately time isn’t something that I feel I have a lot of. Alongside working full time, building my own business, and taking care of my rather large animal family, having the time and energy to sit and write up a blog post and create the photographic content is few and far between. I get torn between the notions of “you get what you work for” so staying up late jut to get one started, and getting a decent amount of sleep to function (which for me is a little more than the average). Finding the balance is so hard, and it quickly catches up with me when I get it wrong whether it’s the guilt of not investing my time enough or the exhaustion of investing too much. However, I know that it’s key in remaining consistent and motivated, so time management is something I’ve been focusing on to ensure that I’m more content with where I’m pouring my time, including the blog.
I quickly began to realise that in order to make my blog everything I wanted it to be, I would need to invest some money. As I started my blog during my second year of uni, that was never an option, and so I made do with what I had access to. The problem with that was I would get thousands of spam comments on each of my posts, making my already unsecure site not trusted by google. And getting rid of them was not a fun task, especially once I had ran out of all the free trial spam detection plugins available. So I decided that if I was going to take it seriously, I was going have to spend the cash. In doing so I now have a secure site, antimalware software, antispam detection…..the lot.
Confidence & finding yourself
As I said earlier, a lack of confidence is a HUGE downfall of mine and is forever holding me back. There have been so many times that I’ve written posts and not shared them because to put it quite bluntly, I don’t have the balls to do so. Those that I do are followed with a good few hours of anxiety and awkwardness, until I feel that everyone has seen and forgotten any promo I’ve put up about it. How’s that for making absolutely no sense. It’s a constant battle between wanting everyone to read them, but at the same time wanting no one to know they exist. The brooding lack of confidence constantly has me fearing of what people may say, laughing behind my back, but I’ve came to realise a few things.
I will never be everyone’s cup of tea. Even people with the same interests as me aren’t necessarily going to agree with or enjoy what I write.
One thing I neglect to remember. I started this blog for me. My own little place to write about everything that I love.
People have far too much going on with their own lives to even think up half of the things I imagine they might.
The only person actually standing in my way isn’t everyone else, it’s myself.
So here’s to a new year of posts and not giving to many fucks about sharing or promoting them.
And with that I hope you enjoy looking through my new blog! I’m planning on 2019 being a more consistent year of content, so please if you enjoy a post let me know by dropping it a like or leaving a comment. Also, don’t forget to leave any post suggestions here. I have so many post ideas lined up but I’m always open to more!